Hello lovely readers! So I don't know what I was thinking this month. I was totally organized and had a schedule of all these really great posts I was going to write and then shit happened. This is the busiest time of year for me at my job and there were some other twists and turns along the way and I just didn't get to write everything I wanted/planned to. I am considering the frequency with which I post anyway, because I want to give you guys "quality" over quantity. Which segue-ways perfectly into this post.
Negative self-talk is something most of us deal with. And it's hard to write about. I'm no expert or doctor but I wanted to share with you how I deal with it. What I define this as is the following:
- that negative little jerk voice in your head that is constantly telling you, you aren't enough. You're too tall, too short, too skinny, not skinny enough, you don't make enough $$, you aren't as good as so and so, etc. Male or female and that voice is an asshole.
So in this post I wanted to give you some examples of the things my inner voice tells me sometimes and what I do to stop that bitch in her tracks. (I apologize for the language in this post, I am passionate about this and it's been a long week)
I am 5'0 short and weigh roughly 130ish pounds, which means I am not "thin". I have what I consider to be a big nose, big hips and my face is too "red". I am also extremely NOT tan, and not toned or fit. I have cellulite, and sometimes when I walk fast my thighs rub together.
That description above pretty much is the executive summary of what my negative self-talk revolves around. And based on that description my self image is sometimes that of an ugly disgusting troll. More or less.
Now, here is how I fight back. It may sound stupid, cliche' or cheesy, but I really don't care. It works for me and I hope by sharing this it might work for you. And if by chance you happen to be reading this and you are perfect, then stop now as this clearly isn't intended for you.
The least offensive thing in that summary is the fact that I am short. I have been short all my life and my family members are short too. It doesn't always bother me, but sometimes when I see you tall girls strutting around in your long legs I get a little pissy. So I wear heels, or wedges or say fuck it and wear flats because I'm short and proud of it. I can buy pants in the kids department that aren't too long and are cheaper than women's pants. (Incidentally, I can also buy shoes in the kids department because I have small feet. Plain black flats or flip flops for less than $10? Yes please!) As my mom always told me, "The best things come in small packages."
So next on the list is my weight. Without getting too in depth and too into social norms and expectations around what a women should weigh, this is what I tell my self "You can't change your height, but you can change your health, so get off you squishy butt and get to work girl." The key to this is the word health. It's NOT about being skinny. Not at all. It's about being healthy. Is that cupcake really giving my body the nutrition it deserves? No? Then put it back. Is sitting on the couch watching YouTube videos or TV for 5 hours really how you want to spend the night? Would 30 minutes of exercise kill you? No. So slap in that DVD and get that workout in. I try to look at it as a positive thing. And once I can get myself on a regular work-out schedule I actually really enjoy it and I totally feel better. Which reminds me of another great quote "Exercise releases endorphin, endorphin makes you happy. And happy people don't kill their husbands. They just don't." Points to you if you know where that's from.
The weight thing has been an issue for me since 6th grade. I was one of the first girls in my class to get both boobs and a booty over the summer and holy crap did people remind me of it DAILY. But I really try to focus on this being about me being healthy and not skinny. That has taken me all of 21+ years to work on and it's still a work in progress. Focus on your health not how skinny or not skinny you are. Be healthy. Your body deserves it.
My nose bugs the crap out of me. It's big at the end and sometimes when I turn to the side, I think "Good Lord girl! Look at that nose!" But here's the thing, who cares? I know I would never get plastic surgery to fix it so I just try not to think about it. Or I contour it with bronzer so it gives the illusion of being smaller.
The big hips, cellulite and rubbing thighs along with being not as toned as I want to be are easy to group together. If I work out more I jiggle and rub together less. My hips are big, if I worked out 10 hours a day and ate salads they would still be big. It's just who I am. Some of us have hips, some don't. And no matter how many creams, lotions and potions I buy that damn cellulite is going to stay there. So I try to keep on that work out schedule and use self tanner on my legs in the summer as that reduces the overall appearance of it.
And finally, I'm pale. Like super pale. Like vampire pale. Which some people think is "yucky". But here's the deal, I have porcelain skin. It's not going to be super wrinkly and dry from over-tanning. And if I can prevent one type of cancer then I'm damn well going to do it. I do use a self tanner in the summer (when I remember) but really I have embraced my un-tan.
If turning that negativity doesn't work for me and I am still really down, I do one of the following two things:
- stay on the couch and have some ice cream, because fuck it,
- OR I look at what my "imperfect" body has accomplished and when I start to look at the things I have done and am doing in my life that do actually matter more than the size of my nose in the big picture, I start to feel a little better. This is not to say that it works every time, or that I don't have bad days but it's what I try to do most days.
So what I hope you take away from this is that we all have issues with how we look. How you deal with those issues is what makes the difference. Embrace your quirks, be healthy and don't let someone else's idea of what you should look like overshadow you. Historically society has shown it doesn't always know what's right and ideals have been shattered repeatedly. Life is too short to worry about how tall you aren't or how slim you're not. Be proud of who you are and what you've accomplished. Only you could do it.
How do you deal with negative self-talk?
